The Onion
I’ve been writing headlines for The Onion and The Onion Sports since 2018. I was also in a header photo of theirs once during my ClickHole Writing Fellowship. Below you can check out some Onion headlines I’ve written and the picture of me I just mentioned.
Dad Unleashes Haunting Moan Of Satisfaction Upon Descending Into Hot Tub
Study Shows Benefits Of Skin-To-Skin Contact Between New Players, Coaches
Reader Settles On Incorrect Way He Going To Pronounce Character’s Name In His Head For Rest Of Book
Football-Themed Napkins At Super Bowl Party Too Nonabsorbent, Painful To Use On Mouth
Youth Hockey Banquet Spent Convincing Heavyset Teammate To Eat Copious Amounts Of Butter Squares
Fantasy Football Draft Good Excuse To See How Weird-Looking Everyone Getting
Car’s Satellite Radio Display Taking Its Sweet-Ass Time To Reveal Entire Name Of Song
Dad Shushes Family While Focused On Jumbotron Hat Shuffle
Report: It Nice That Linemen Feel Comfortable Showing Off Bare Bellies
DJ Software Reopened After Masturbating
Report: There No Way Of Knowing Whether The Vague Award Mom Won At Work A Big Deal Or What
Cameraman Sitting Under Basket Spread-Eagle
Older Cafeteria Monitor Not A Teacher Or Parent Or Anything
Ref Under Uprights Sheepishly Waits To Do ‘Good’ Sign Until Other Ref Does It First
Dad Turns Up Skyrizi Commercial
Kendrick Perkins Puts On Sleep Apnea Mask Mid-Segment
Man Resents Home Run For Making Him Pause Eating, Clap
Wilson Unveils Tennis Balls With Even More Smell
Back Of Gatorade Bottle Features Recipe For Gatorade Casserole
Rick Brunson Tests Jalen Brunson Again On What To Say When Press Asks About Bruises
Kylie Jenner Told Nachos Were Sent By Fat Joe
‘Victens Wemponyaga’ Begins Promising Kendrick Perkins Sentence
Michael Rapaport Gives Knicks’ Celebrity Row Bedbugs
Rory McIlroy Struggling To Fit Big Check Into Mobile Deposit Photo
Nation’s Sensitive Kids Denounce NHL Goal Horns
No One Translated To Foreign Players Why They Currently In Cornfield
